The voice
There has always been a voice inside my head that was encouraging me to write creatively. It was a voice I listened to as a child, but as I entered my teenage years, and into adulthood, I stopped listening. I discerned my avoidance was caused by a combination of;
Societal pressures to find a well-paying job versus following a dream,
A lack of self-confidence in my own abilities and,
Fear of other’s opinions.
The hidden voice started to slowly crawl out of the darkness in my 30s. It was quiet at first. More of a nagging feeling that there was a missing part of me. I buried it for a few more years. Then, in 2013, the voice had gotten loud enough that I couldn’t ignore it. Ideas for stories kept coming to me that were mostly fleshed out and I needed to get them out of my head.
Did I sit down and write the next great novel? No, my confidence was still lacking. Instead, I got a small green notebook, wrote the date April 18/13 and let that voice, my voice, spew it’s words onto the pages. Over the next few months that notebook was filled.
And it sat in a drawer. I started filling a second notebook with ideas. And it, too, sat in a drawer. For four years.
I listened to the voice with the story ideas, but I didn’t listen to the voice that encouraged me to actually write the story. I would talk to my husband about the ideas running around in my head and he always encouraged me to sit down and write. But I was still scared. Were my ideas good enough? Was I good enough? Would I offend anyone?
After further support and encouragement from my husband, and some personal growth with my self-confidence, I finally sat down and wrote. Over the course of a few months I had over 77,000 words based on my second-ever story idea. It felt great to see my ideas come together!
Then I hit a roadblock. I felt the story was dragging and had changed the ending a few times, so that the voice inside my head was turning into frustration and self-loathing.
Rather than stop writing completely, I thankfully decided to just pause that project. I turned to the idea I had written out in April 2013 and the passionate fire for writing was once again lit.
It has taken 8 years, from the idea populating in my mind, to finish my manuscript (March 20, 2021). Life, love and fear got in the way. But in the end, I listened to the voice that pushed me to do what I love - write!
It is that voice that has helped me realize a dream. It is that voice that has helped me find a missing piece of myself. It is that voice that brings my stories to life. It is that voice who types these words.
What is your voice saying?
N.L. Blandford
March 21, 2021
